I have a few things I'm learning about and growing in.  We do a lot of talk about strengths where I work, and the emphasis is almost always on maximizing those strengths.  However, there are sometimes hidden strengths that we discover quite a ways down the road-- strengths that our classmates from 7th grade would have said were the last things we ever would develop.  In some cases, our young selves wouldn't have even thought it possible.  Those, my friends, are the skills I'm talking about.  A few new challenges, some discovered potential, and tastes of triumph.  As you read, please forgive anything that seems self-glorifying; that's not my intention at all.  Rather, I'm delving a bit into areas in which I always assumed I'd stink.

Acting

I have 10+ years of experience as a puppeteer (really) and even more as a performing musician.  I've been in shows before, even an opera, but I'd say that most of them haven't counted.  I've always wanted to try doing a REAL production of a legit show... something you don't have to pay to be in.  This summer, I got my first shot at this when my boss started a theater company.  As an upstart, he basically had to ask people to be in the cast, and I was one of the victims.  The show was "You're A Good Man, Charlie Brown", and I was cast as Charlie Brown.  If you're ever in my situation and looking for a good debut show to star in, this is the one.  My main character quirk was awkwardness.  Even (especially?) if you don't know what you're doing, awkwardness still tends to come through.

After Charlie Brown, we started talking about a Christmas show.  The show we chose was set in New York in the early 1900s, and I was cast as "City - Him".  This meant that my job was to play a bunch of different characters in the city.  15 characters, to be precise.  Each needed its own speech patterns, mannerisms, and appearance.  It was a challenge, but I think I got there.  My director said I did, my fellow cast members, all of whom are experienced in theater, said so as well.  I kept scenes going, I covered for others' mistakes, and I even improvised a few jokes.  Not something that the sc0tlas of 5 years ago could've done.

A little perspective on this: I'm no Laurence Olivier.  On my best day, I'm probably somewhere between Keanu Reeves and Nicholas Cage... but the fact remains that I can do it, and I'm growing.

Worship Leading

In a way, I've been a worship leader for years.  I've been in choirs since elementary school, I led a small ministry team throughout North America and Romania, and I've been active on my church's worship team for the past several years.  Why wouldn't I list this in the things I already do?  Well, with the exception of one of those groups, I haven't been in charge of any of them.  In the small traveling group, I was the student director, but the responsibilities of leading were passed from person to person depending upon the song.  I was always been afraid of being THE guy.  Recently, I've felt changes on the horizon.

Beginner's Luck Success - This summer, I was asked to lead worship for a major event within my company.  All offices closed for the day, and anyone that wasn't on vacation came together to pray for God's blessing and guidance over the upcoming year.  I have long been a critic of others who have been placed in such a role of music leadership, and this was my first big chance to put my money where my mouth was.  Fear gripped me as I accepted the challenge.  In the end, I took some risks and made it my own unique offering, and people responded VERY WELL.  I was shocked.  People who usually sit back and watch actually stood up and sang out with whatever voice God gave them, and it was one of the truest corporate worship experiences I've had.

The home church- First, you must understand a little history on this one.  Back when I was an undergrad student, I wanted to contribute to my church's worship team, but I had so many Sunday afternoon/evening concerts that I knew I couldn't truly commit to a regular thing.  A few years later, I heard there was a need for a sound technician, so I filled that role.  Eventually, I started missing the musicianship side of it, and I asked if I could play keyboards- but not sing.  That happened for a while, and then we lost some of our key singers, and I had to fill a gap in an emergency.  Me as a singer AND keyboard player became a regular thing.  I was later asked if I wanted to lead a team, I said not really, and I hadn't been asked to think about it in over a year. 

Ok, history lesson over.  Recently, I went out on a limb and asked to transfer to a new worship team within my church's rotating schedule.  We re-evaluate teams every 6 months, so this wasn't a major coup or anything.  But, I said the reason was because I was trying to observe a number of different leaders and their approaches to leadership, so that I could slowly be mentored and eventually be a worship leader... somewhere.

I was placed in the band led by the guy that used to be our full-time worship pastor, back when we had such a position on staff.  The best musicians come out of the woodwork to play in his bands, so that was an exciting prospect.  Last Sunday, the new band played their first Sunday, and it was awesome.  Sure, the music kicked patooty, but it was more than that.  It was worship.  It was free of distraction.  It just felt seamless.  I felt that we were glorifying God, AND we were doing it with musical excellence.  I was thrilled to be on this team, and couldn't wait for the next chance.  After the final service, I happened to run into the leader- let's call him Bob.

Bob: Hey, great having you in the band, you sounded really good!

Me: Thanks, I-

Bob: It's a shame I won't really be here.

Me: Wha?

Bob: Yeah, I'm splitting my time between here and this other new church.  I'm helping them out for the next six months.  We don't really know who's gonna be leading this team yet.

Me: Oh. Huh.

Bob: You wanna?

Me: Lead?

Bob: Yeah.

Me: Well, I've been thinking about learning how, but-

Bob: Hey, I've gotta go.  Let's talk about this soon.

I was always been afraid of being THE guy.  When I was, I didn't always make quick decisions well, and even when I made the right decisions, I constantly second-guessed myself and put qualifiers on every statement.

No more.  I've been trained, I'm experienced, I've been out on a limb, and I've even failed miserably in public ways.  It's time to shrug off the mantle of "I'm not quite sure I'm ready to do this, so please don't ask me" and face the challenge.

Yep.  So if we end up talking about leading at my church and they still need someone, I think it might be a good time to go out on another limb.

Comedy Writing

This is probably the least likely of the three illustrations to really be used on a regular basis, but it's a personal triumph for me, so I'm sharing it.  Toughie turtles for you.

I've always wanted to be funny.  I've often tried to be funny.  I occasionally succeed at being funny.  But, most of you that know me in person know that I usually fail miserably in content, delivery, or just overall timing within a conversation.  Or all of the above.  So whenever I have a win, it feels pretty good.  I was always the kid that everyone hated because he liked learning, got straight A's, and took everything WAY too seriously.  That has continued to this day, as I was recently designated "Captain Serious" by a golf buddy over a silly issue our group was discussing.  Ok, I coined the phrase, but it was based on his description.  The Captain Serious t-shirt is due out in March.

Anyway, my boss was putting together a special comedy presentation for an upcoming event, and he asked me to help him come up with some good jokes.  Being that I was on the clock, I was more than happy to drop what I was doing and ghostwrite for him.  I had a blast, and he used most of my ideas.  Today was the big event, and while it was a tough audience (and a tough subject matter), almost all of my jokes got big laughs.  That was a new experience for me, and hopefully Captan Serious will cast off his dark shroud and assume the title Mr. Kinda Funny Sometimes.

"Who", "How", "Am", "Was"

Back to the strengths thing, and how it's foolish to find your whole identity in these.  Yes, absolutely, you should learn to make the most out of developing the gifts that you have been given, and don't spend a lot of time moping about the things that "aren't your thing".  In addition, however, don't pigeonhole yourself by saying, "Well, I'm an introverted, serious data geek; I could never be good at [thingamabob]."

How I was back in the day is not necessarily how I am.  Character traits are not necessarily Who I really am.  The bible talks quite a bit about transformation, about new creations and rebirth.  Behavioral scientists have noted that the building blocks of our personality are established very early in our lives, if not from the very beginning.  While this may have some truth, it cannot be used as an excuse for stagnation.  How many times have you heard the excuse, "but this is WHO I AM"?  Ever said it?  It's often convenient to rationalize our fears, weaknesses, or poor choices because of these basic patterns-- but God has something bigger planned.  If we open ourselves to the opportunities, teaching and wisdom that God places at our doorstep, He WILL change us.  People often say that God loves us despite our failings.  In some way, I think He has chosen us because of the things we lack.  The more people know you as the guy who's "always been that way", the more they're likely to pay attention when genuine change occurs. 

One of the best conversations I've ever had was about allowing myself to be myself.  It changed my perspective about how I lived.  I became happier about who I was created to be, and I could start exploring what that meant.  Right then, I realized I was a different person than I had been as a child.  My whole life I had been told by others how I was.  No fault of theirs, of course.  I had taken those assessments and translated them to mean "WHO I AM".  I was changing, though, and if I would only take a step of faith and celebrate the new sc0tlas, then I wouldn't feel like I had to work so hard to get others to like sc0tlas.  Sure, the new Me didn't win everyone over, but I found my worth in Christ- in what HE had made out of me.  That made all the difference.

Six and a half years after that pivotal moment, I look back at who I was then.  I've changed again.  Some of me is the same, and some of me is completely different.  Is my job to cling to the sc0tlas that my 5th grade teacher knew?  College professor?  Recent employer or pastor?  No.  Follow God, and trust Him to go into uncharted territory.  The roads may not be paved, but you'll have a great guide- the One who wrote the map.  And made the very earth out of nothing.  He knows where you're going, and you're gonna like it.

And finally, may He receive the glory.  When you start out, when you're on the trail, and when you get there.

... some of you know what I'm talking about, and you're singing the song.  "ILLUSION, MICHAEL...."


Anyway, the wedding is fast approaching, and this has been a huge week.  We talked about budget, and a lot of prayer would be appreciated, as we're nowhere close to affording a super-basic life together.  God provides.  *Deep breath*

Bought plane tickets today, officially requested time off today.  Shopped for gifts today, and hopefully doing tuxes and rings VERY soon.  We need to, so... yeah.


Work is... well, it's a lot of work.  Very tough situations we're in right now, and prayer is definitely in order for APU as a whole- that upper management sees clearly and has the courage to act wisely and quickly.  Also, those of us who are burning out need wisdom to know how to conduct ourselves.  There are a lot of choices to be made, and some could make or break the future of the university.  So yes, please pray.

A week from Wednesday at 6pm, I will be singing my guts out (sit a few rows back) for over an hour, in completion of my Master of Music degree.

Come hear me.  Don't fear me.  Or spear me.  Ow.



Seriously, though... the recital is a bit darker than some you may have heard before.  I like the depth of a lot of the music in my program.  Interesting harmonies, depressing lyrics, cynical characters, beautiful melodies.  What more could one ask for, but free refreshments afterward?  What's that I hear??  Ah, yes!  There WILL be free refreshments afterward.  So come for the food, but come early and pretend you're listening.  I'll pretend you aren't snoring. 

She and I have been engaged for over a month now!  We have asked many questions, talked about some serious stuff, but today was the KEY conversation.  The only potential "deal-breaker" that we had not yet discussed...

We have agreed- toilet paper OVER THE TOP of the roll, not coming from behind the roll.

*WHEW!*  Finally, I can sleep without that weighing on my mind!

Remember this commercial? 



All these commercials making all the major cellular providers look like wimpy little dorks, while Chad, the Alltel spokesman, is so cool it makes you wanna slap your momma (follow the link- I love my mom).

I never liked Chad, and not just because my cell service is represented by one of the geeks, but because he's cool and trendy.  In general, cool guys weren't nice to me growing up, and I tried a trendy haircut once, only to get chronic headaches.  Stupid Chad and his stupid face.

So apparently Verizon is acquiring Alltel.  BOO-YAAAAHHH!  Can I get a what-what?  Ohhhh smack!  This is the bomb-shizzle.

Eat THAT, ya little blond shrimp!

Music has been working its way back into my life, and I'm pretty ok with that.  This includes some weird nostalgic times, some trying times, and some exciting times.  I haven't written in a month, and I don't think I'm gonna get too deep on this one, but it's something to say, so that's an improvement.

Celebrate Christmas- I went last night with Charmaine, her parents, her brother and his wife, and my parents.  This was the first time our families had met, and it went well, I think (I hope).  While the school of music is already very different than just a few years ago, I still greatly enjoyed the concert.  UCO did "I Have Seen the Light", which Rod and I had thought was permanently laid to rest a few years ago, but they had a great trio lead the group in an excellent performance of it.  The highlight of the concert for me, however, was during the song that the Symphony Orchestra played.  It was a medley of several well known Christmas tunes, including Jingle Bells.  I was watching my friend Moses playing violin when they got to "Oh what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh..." and Moses and his stand partner quietly interjected "HEY!" at the appropriate moment.  It was not planned by the conductor, the arranger/orchestrator, the school of music, or anyone else in authority... it was a simple outpouring of joy and goofiness that couldn't be stifled by the formality of the evening.  This, friends, is just what makes music worth doing.

Jury- This, friends, is just what makes music a pain in the snarfblatt.  Two weeks ago, my voice teacher mentioned that I need to choose the songs I will claim to have prepared for my vocal jury.  Last time I had a jury was two years ago, and I was certain I'd never have another.  Well, folks, I'm filling out jury sheets in octuplicate as soon as I finish this blog posting, then scooting off to APU to practice for a time when I perform before a panel of folks who are my coworkers every other day of the year.  People I hound for turning in registrar paperwork and guide to their seats at commencement.  These are the people that will evaluate me.

WCHS- For those who don't know, I played piano at my old high school choirs for two years post-baccalaureate-ly.  At that point, it was time for me to move on.  The thing is, no staff accompanist has been a regular since I left 2 1/2 years ago.   Thus, I have been called several times to play for their concerts.  This is far more fun than the average rehearsal, but it's a mite strange to be back and have audience members assuming that you've never left.  Oh well.  Anyway, I'm playing again this year for their Christmas concert.  Yay!  (yay?)

NewSong- I am on the band rotation at my church.  This means that I play keyboard for the Sunday services once a month.  I love this.  I have grown a lot as a member of an ensemble and in many other ways.  It's fun.  I even start next week as a mentor to another young player... should be fun.  Lately, though, I seem to have become the guy that they call first when they need something extra.  It's not a problem- I love doing that stuff.  I just find it funny, because a little over a year ago, hardly anyone knew that I played, or even who I was.  Suddenly being in demand is probably not great for my ego.  So please pray that the swelling of my head decreases.  :)

Seven- The worship band that my boss and girlfriend both sing in is called "Seven".  On many Sunday evenings (I'll let you deduce what time the service is), they lead music at a local church.  Let me tell you, this band kicks some serious boo-tay.  I quickly became a fan of the group when I started dating Charmaine, and not just because she's in it.  Seriously, they are GREAT.  Once they were missing a sound guy, and their leader asked me to sit in.  It was fun.  Once they were missing a tenor, and again Perry asked me to join them.  Once they needed a keyboard player, and I got a call to come fill in.  Since then, I've had a standing invitation to join in, and I've been going.  My role is a small one, but it's a thrill to be a part of something with such quality.  I'd play in that band every day if I could.

I like music.

That's really all I'm gonna say.  Vote!

...but make sure you vote for the right ones.  Or the less horrible ones.

Seriously.  Take the time.  Spend the energy.  Trust me, it's worth it now to put in your $.02.  Might get a heckuva lot pricier if you don't go out and punch those little squares.

It's good to know that no matter what, God is sovereign.

In an internet full of frivolity and endless bickering, it is comforting to know that there are still some profoundly thoughtful people making worthwhile posts for the benefit of society.

 Check out what I mean.
 

This morning at work, a student was driving a small electric cart past our office for his job with the technology department on campus.  He hit a mud puddle and momentarily lost control.  Upset, he looked back angrily at the puddle, while still driving.  Little did he know that the worst was yet to come.

BAM!






And that's why we now only have one moldy, rusty bench in front of our trailer.

The End.